A DEEPER ME- a poem

An ode to all of us with our varying degrees of responding to life as it happens! Here’s to a deeper experience of 2019!

There is a deeper me.

There is a deeper me screaming for help.

Wondering what the hell does she think of herself.

Wishing the pain of his betrayal to go away.

Wanting so much more than what I have got.

Worrying about how little I have done.

Writhing in grief over the loss of a loved one.

Worshipping that other’s updates.

Writing fabricated versions of myself.

Whiling away these precious moments in unending ripples of despair and jealousy and bitterness and negativity.

There is a deeper me shutting myself away.

Ignoring the opportunities knocking at my door.

Igniting the age-old hurt caused by her insecurities.

Inviting the memories of them putting me down.

Imitating the trajectory of his career path.

Instigating the other voice inside to fulfill their wishes in bringing me down and low and oh so small.

There is a deeper me asking myself why.

Why did I deserve this despite so many sacrifices?

Why would he not make peace despite my trying?

Why would they be so greedy- they have so much?

Why would she be so jealous and wish my career away?

Why would the arrogant ones get the attention?

Why would honesty not be rewarded?

Why does it feel so difficult to not be entangled in this web of why’s and who’s and why’s and who’s and why’s.

But also-

There is a deeper me reflecting on things.

Illuminating myself on the paradox of life.

Inspiring others through even the smallest of good deeds.

Irrigating the many positive channels that make my life.

Infusing freshness into each day and its every moment.

Improving upon every thought that I allow in.

Invoking the sacredness of life’s blessings and grace and bounties and joys.

There is a deeper me coming to terms with my own beauty.

Admiring the many shortcomings that make me uniquely me.

Aspiring to become a better version of only myself.

Acknowledging that there is only so much that is in my hands.

Admitiing that despite my best intentions their behavior is a reflection on them.

Acquitting my conscience of making her ego feel threatened in my presence.

Allowing myself the breathing space and time for what makes me truly happy.

Arriving at the conclusion that I am exactly where and with who and what I am supposed to be.

There is a deeper me smiling at the many ironies that make life, life.

There is a confident me charting out my own journey my way.

There is an empathetic me forgiving those who have caused me hurt.

There is a redemptive me seeking forgiveness from those I have hurt.

There is a fragrant me spreading my love to every breathing being.

There is a calmer me focussing on only generating positive vibrations.

There is a mature me understanding that the only currency of power is self-worth.

There is a giving me knowing that to share is to truly live.

There is a wiser me knowing that to love with all the heart is to truly be happy.

There is a deeper me that wanting to shine in the glow of my light.. My own light :)